


I'd Hate Me Too

by thatmountainhermit



Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Kinda, Love Confessions, ends with fluff, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-10-14 15:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10539714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmountainhermit/pseuds/thatmountainhermit
Summary: Anxiety knows the others don't care for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't been very active! My computer's keyboard is broken which doesn't inspire much writing haha. Hopefully this makes up for it!  
> I've seen the comments y'all have left and THANK YOU SO MUCH I ADORE YOU ALL!!

Anxiety sighed as he heard the others talking in the common room, looking down at his bowl of cereal. It was midday, but he had only just gotten up, finally convinced by the rumbling of his stomach. The others sounded like they were having fun. He knew that he should disturb them when they were in such a good mood. Besides, it wasn’t like he was needed. Thomas wasn’t making a video. That didn’t stop him from shuffling towards the common room, peeking around the corner.

They were watching something. Together. A movie. Of course. 

Anxiety swallowed, recognising it as one of his favorites. Not that it mattered. He could watch it later. By himself. In his room. He needed to eat, Anxiety reasoned with himself. And so he took himself back to his room, sitting on his desk as he ate and scrolling through Tumblr, wondering what he should do today. 

He couldn’t make a plan for work, like Logic usually did, or slay dragons like Prince. He couldn’t even make food, or do responsible adult stuff, like Morality. He was just Anxiety. Just useless. The cereal became a little harder to swallow with that, but he forced it down. He already knew that starving himself was useless.

Looking around his room, he noticed the guitar case sitting in the corner. He hadn’t played in… forever. He had never been very good at it, but the way the strings made his fingers ache after playing for too long had been a comfort to him once upon a time. An escape, at least for a while. It called quietly to Anxiety, coaxing him to put his finished bowl and phone down. To unbuckle old clasps, and pull out the familiar instrument. Sitting on his bed with it resting on his knee was second nature, even after not practicing for so long. 

The notes didn’t come as easily to him as they used to, of course. But that didn’t stop him from trying an old song that he had once learned. He tried to play quietly so he wouldn’t disturb the movie, not wanting for them to notice, or worse, ask him when or how he’d learned. He didn’t want to tell him what he used to do when he couldn’t sleep. His bouts of insomnia were only for him and Thomas to know about. 

It was easy to settle into practiced chords and strumming patterns, and at some point Anxiety had closed his eyes, trying to focus only on the music and the feeling of strings pressing into the pads of his fingers. He didn’t dare stop until they were numb and twitching and a little shaky. Then, reluctantly, he set the guitar down, staring at his shaking hands with a long sigh. It had been nice to let his mind go blank, for once. To stop all the thoughts. 

It was time to return to reality, however, which meant facing the music. He could see the outline of feet from under his door. No doubt someone was waiting for him to tell him off for interrupting the movie. 

What he did not expect, however, was for Roman to be _smiling_ at him when he opened the door. “You absolutely must play a song with me.” The regal persona declared.

“Did… you hit your head, Princey?” Anxiety glanced around, checking that Pranks hadn’t put him up to this. “And why aren’t you watching the movie with the others?”

An expression that looked somewhat like a wince crossed Roman’s face, and he glanced back at the common room. The sounds of the movie could be heard faintly, even from where the two of them were standing. Which was saying something considering how Anxiety’s room was the furthest from the commons. “I simply didn’t feel like watching the rest of the movie.”

Anxiety stared at Roman for a few moments, his mouth dropping open slightly, just a little. That was completely unheard of. He resisted the urge to press a hand to his forehead and check his temperature. “Are you sure you’re not sick? You _love_ Disney movies.”

“It didn’t feel right without you.”

Anxiety blinked at the admission.

And blinked again.

Then burst into giggles that were a little too high pitched to be genuine. 

“Okay, Pranks, you can come out now.” He called, gripping the door as more giggles slipped out. “I get it. My playing is a joke.” He ignored the spike of pain through his heart, knowing that they’d want him to play along. He stopped laughing the moment he felt Roman cup his cheek, wiping away a tear from his face. Shit. Shit. He didn’t mean to start crying. Why was he crying? When did he start? He couldn’t cry, especially not in front of Roman. What was _wrong_ with him?

“I wasn’t joking, Anxiety. Pranks isn’t here. I’m telling the truth.” Roman’s voice was soft, too soft, and Anxiety hated how it sounded like pity. “I’m sorry.” 

He slapped away the hand still on his cheek, glaring up at Prince. He had a feeling that the tear tracks and smudged eyeshadow took away the completely murderous vibe, but that didn’t stop him. “Don’t touch me.” He huffed. 

Roman looked strangely crestfallen. “Anxiety, please. Don’t shut me out.” He begged, reaching out for him again.

Anxiety’s glare became more venomous, and he gripped the handle of his door, more than ready to slam it on Roman’s face. “Are you feeling guilty? Is that what this is about? I get it, Roman. You guys don’t care about me.” He ran a hand through his hair, eyes starting to sting once more. “I accepted that a long time ago. You don’t have to pretend out of some kind of sense of princely duty.”

For once, the fanciful facet was speechless. For about three seconds, before he regained his composure. “You know that’s unfair.”

“I’m telling it how I see it.” Anxiety shrugged, pretending that the words didn't taste like ash on his tongue. “You guys don't like me. It's okay. I don't blame you.” He closed the door, slumping against it. “I’d hate me, too.”


	2. Making Amends With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying times for Anxiety, but it's all a learning curve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. This took a while to write for reasons. I was torn on whether I should write it or note bc on one hand I am a bitch, and on the other there are lovely ppl who have done no wrong.

Anxiety knew that Roman had told the other two. Morality was always inviting him to do some activity or another now. And Logan kept attempting conversation with him, although between the two of them it became a little stunted, neither of them really having the bubbling extroverted optimism of Morality or the charismatic confidence of Roman that usually carried the conversation Roman was the worst of them all, though.

Anxiety was, at his heart, an introvert. Roman was the most tiring person to be around, mostly because he didn’t ever shut up, and he had this unfailing, unending energy that made Anxiety tired just by watching him prance around. And Roman would not leave him alone.

It was _torture_.

Anxiety bit back a frustrated groan when Roman grabbed his arm, dragging him away from the cup of tea that he had _just_ made. “We’re going on an adventure today Anxiety, I have decided that you don’t get out enough! You need some sun!”

He tried to wrench his arm out of the Prince’s grip, but he had never done a day of exercise in his life, and Roman regularly fought dragons. It was obvious from the start that it was a futile attempt. “Roman, let me go. I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

“It’s midday.” Roman deadpanned, a confused frown marring his usually pretty face.

“Gesundheit.” Anxiety muttered back, pulling his arm free of Prince’s weakened hold. “I didn’t get to sleep until 4 am.”

“I told you to go to sleep at 10!” The Prince had a highly affronted look on his face as he followed Anxiety back to the kitchen. The darker trait would have found it adorable if it were literally anyone else but this current royal pain in his ass.

Anxiety quirked an eyebrow at him “You really think I listen to you, huh?” He drawled, taking a sip of his tea. “I couldn’t sleep. That’s all.” He turned to start making himself breakfast, hoping that Prince would drop it.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” Anxiety turned and gave him a look. “No, I’m serious, why couldn’t you sleep?”

It dawned on Anxiety that he and Roman had never really talked. Not properly, at least. “You… don’t know much about me, do you?” He faced Roman properly now, satisfied that his toast wouldn’t burn.

“I know you’re the personification of Thomas’ anxiety. And you can play guitar excellently, when did you learn that?” Roman gave him a bright smile, but Anxiety could see the strain underneath it. He frowned, looking at the fanciful trait thoughtfully. “Anxiety?” The smile was slipping from his face. Good. Anxiety felt a malicious pleasure curl through him at the thought of Roman being uncomfortable.

“I get that you’re trying to make me feel welcomed or whatever, but you don’t really have to. Logan and Dad have it covered.” He stared down into his mug as he talked, glancing at Roman from under his lashes just once. “You don’t have to force yourself to hang around me. Let’s be realistic and accept that neither of us actually want to be friends and just be vaguely civil, okay Princey?” He looked up properly, giving Roman the best reassuring smile he had.

The look on Roman’s face was not one Anxiety had been expecting. He looked a lot like Anxiety had slapped him. Or kicked a puppy. And frankly, Anxiety didn’t understand it. They were opposites. Why wasn’t Roman happy?

“Why do you always think I hate you? Why me, specifically?”

“If you think about it, we’re basically incompatible. You’re confident, you like adventuring and going outside. And you’re about as extroverted as they come.” Anxiety bit into his toast, swallowing it quickly before continuing. “I’m a literal ball of anxiety and therefore hate pretty much anything risky or adventurous. I like staying inside. I find people tiring and sometimes cannot stand any sound except my music when I’m especially tired. I’m a massive introvert. We go together about as well as oil and water.”

Roman was quiet for a while, expression unreadable as he looked away from Anxiety. “I suppose you have a point.” He finally said, quiet and more subdued than Anxiety had ever seen him before. “I shall leave you be, Anxiety.” With that, he turned and left before Anxiety could say another word.

It was three weeks before they talked again. Properly, that is, although Anxiety avoided Roman like the plague in the meantime. That didn’t stop Morality and (to a lesser extent) Logan from making him socialise, however, dragging him out of his room and watching movies with the kids (Morality) or simply working quietly in Anxiety’s room (Logan). And Anxiety didn’t entirely miss all the adventuring Roman forced him to do. But.

He did miss Roman.

Logically (ha) Anxiety knew that he was always going to be drawn to Princey. After all, Princey was the brightest of the four of them, and Anxiety tended to be darker. He was drawn in, kept close enough, like a meteor to the sun, but had always managed to keep his distance. He got close sometimes, but never enough to touch, lest he burn up and fade away in the radiance that was Prince Roman.

It was another one of those mornings that wasn’t quite a morning, where Anxiety had managed wake up at 3 in the afternoon. He went through his usual actions, going for the coffee instead of his favorite tea. Once it was ready he resisted the urge to drink straight from the pot, and nearly dropped his mug when someone grabbed his shoulder.

“ _HOLY FU-_ ” Anxiety screeched, instinct causing him to elbow the stranger in the stomach. The resulting groan instantly made him wince and turn around. “Roman, how many times have I told you, don’t sneak up on me!”

“Ah, I forgot about that.” The regal personality didn’t look so regal, hunched over himself and clutching the spot where he’d been viciously elbowed. “I do apologise.”

Anxiety shook his head, setting his mug down and gripping the counter as he tried to slow his breathing down. Roman couldn’t have known that was the start of his nightmare, but god did it terrify him anyway. Anxiety kept his eyes on the other, willing his racing heart to slow. “What was the point of that, other than making my need for caffeine disappear?”

“I believe that we need to talk.”

“About?”

“Us.”

Anxiety’s only reply was a blank stare. He waited for Prince to continue, and when he didn’t immediately speak, he turned and poured himself the coffee that he had been craving. “Excuse me if I’m mistaken, but there is no ‘us’.”

“Of course there is. Our friendship.” Anxiety resisted the urge to throw out a snarky comment. Something on Princey’s face said that it would only end in tears if he did. “I have come to the realisation that I have been unfair on you. As you so… eloquently pointed out, we have differing interests. I never bothered asking you what you might enjoy, and merely assumed that you would enjoy adventuring, as many of my other friends do.”

“Dad talked to you, didn’t he?”

Roman let out a dry chuckle. “Logan, actually, but that’s not the point,” he adjusted his red sash, and cleared his throat. “Anxiety, I am sorry that I didn’t consider how you might have felt. It was rude and rather ungentlemanly of me. That being said, would you like to come stargazing with me tonight? I shall provide blankets and stories.”

Anxiety raised an eyebrow at that. Logan really had talked to him. He had only ever talked about space with the more intellectual trait, having found it to be common interest between the two of them. But the fact that Logan had shared this with Roman meant that he trusted the Prince. So, with a sigh, Anxiety nodded.

“On one condition. Only if you feed me, too.”


	3. The Ones We Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety's in deep.

It had started quietly enough. A teasing comment here, a witty reply there. The occasional lingering touches and glances. At first, it was easy to pass off. They were friends (however shaky they had started), Roman was affectionate, and Anxiety needed more affection than he tended to let on.

 It hadn’t taken long for Anxiety to fall hard. He soon realised that he was in the middle of it before he had even begun.

 He half blamed the fact that they often went stargazing together. Quiet words under a quiet sky. Tales from millennia ago, facts and recent discoveries, passing thoughts, all shared between the two of them. Silence, too, when Anxiety’s  mind worked far too fast and hard for him to comprehend anything more than the light-dotted void above him. Those were the times when their fingers intertwined, focusing Anxiety on the present, the warmth of Roman’s hand, the way that their hands fit together perfectly.

 “Anxiety, do you believe in love?” The air was warm, as it usually was in Roman’s dreamscape. Anxiety kept his eyes on the sky, not wanting to make eye contact and give away anything.

 “Of course I believe in love. What do you think friendship is?” Anxiety deadpanned.

 Roman let out an exasperated sigh, and Anxiety knew that he was rolling his eyes. “That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.” There was a poke to his ribs, and Anxiety let out something akin to a growl. “Did you really ju-”

 “Yes, And yes, I believe in that dumb, feeling-sy, true love bullshit. Most of the time I wish I didn’t but unfortunately I am still a part of Thomas. Which means that I do, in fact, share parts of his personality.” Anxiety finally worked up the courage to look over at Roman, trusting his face to not go too red. “Why do you ask?”

 “You’ve just… never mentioned being in love with someone.”

 Anxiety looked back up at the sky, finding a strange comfort in the never ending dark. For all he talked about the inescapable void, he found it comforting, at times. Those times mostly being when Princey was by his side. “It’s just never been reciprocated. That’s all.”

 Roman shifted, and went suspiciously quiet. Anxiety was, admittedly, surprised at his reaction. No cries of sympathy? No monologues about how wonderful reciprocated love was? Anxiety wondered if Roman had realised how uncomfortable the topic was. “So you’ve been in love before?” The question was a soft whisper, only just audible in the quiet night.

 “You sound surprised.” Anxiety snorted quietly.

 Roman hummed in reply, neither a confirmation nor a denial. “You can be quite secretive, sometimes, Anxiety.” He murmured, and simply left it at that.

 And so it continued. In the mornings, Roman wordlessly made two cups of coffee. In videos, the bickering continued, but all maliciousness had disappeared, and only a gentle teasing tone was left in his voice. They watched Disney movies until dawn, curled up around each other and wrapped in blankets. They danced around each other, toeing between friends and something more, something precious, something Anxiety yearned for.

 “You seem distracted,” Logan commented one day, watching Anxiety as he tried to work on a plan. “Something on your mind?”

 “That’s a dumb question, and you know it.” Anxiety snorted.

 Logan smiled calmly. “Let me rephrase that. Some _one_ on your mind?” The silence that fell was the only answer the both of them needed, and Anxiety felt his face growing hotter. “As I thought. Have you talked to him about it?”

 “What do you think?” Anxiety mumbled, running his hands over his face. “It’s Roman we’re talking about. Like he’d ever consider dating me, friends or not.” He sighed, shoulders slumping. “He’s like the sun, and I’m just a crappy little comet that happens to be caught in his orbit for a while.”

 Logan leaned back in his chair, tilting his head at Anxiety. “I don’t think it’s anything like that.” He said slowly.

 “Roman isn’t exactly shy when it comes to talking about his feelings. Especially romantic ones.” Anxiety deadpanned, giving Logan an exasperated look. “Look, I get that you’re trying to make me feel better about the whole thing, and I appreciate it, but I can deal. It isn’t the first time I’ve had an unattainable crush.”

 “If you’re sure.”

 “I am, Lo. Thanks though.” Not for the first time, Anxiety was glad that it was Logan he was close with, and not Patton. He had a feeling that the logical trait was just as relieved as he was about dropping the topic.

 They fell quiet again, and that was that.

 Of course, the universe didn’t like Anxiety that much. In fact, the universe just loved to make Anxiety miserable.

 “I’m in love.” Another night under the stars, another night of drifting thoughts and lazy words, another night spent so, so close to Roman and yet so far away. The words were soft, almost an afterthought.

 Anxiety tried to ignore the way his heart twisted painfully in his chest. “What makes you say that?”

 “I can’t get them out of my mind. All of my daydreams have them there in some way.” Roman sighed, but it was delicate, tinged with a fondness that Anxiety had never heard before. “I can’t stop wondering what it would be like to kiss them. Honestly, it’s driving me crazy.”

 “Is that why Thomas has been so distracted with romantic ideas?” The answering groan was enough for Anxiety. He should have known. He was responsible for the lessened worry and stress, but he had wondered why Thomas was in such a romantic mood. “I guess that explains that, then.”

 “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been leaving Thomas alone, recently.” Roman shot back, poking Anxiety’s side. A small shiver ran down his spine. “What’s been going on with you, Gloom and Doom? Are you losing your touch?”

 “Nothing like that, Princey. I’ve just been preoccupied with my own problems to get on Thomas’ case about his.”

 “Is it something that you would like to talk about?” Anxiety grunted a negative reply. “That bad, huh?” He felt Roman shift closer, their arms brushing together. This time he couldn’t hold back his shiver.

 “It’d never work out, anyway.” Anxiety mumbled. “He’s… I could never make him happy.”

 “Is it Logan?”

 That made Anxiety sit up and glare. “I will punch you.”

 “I just thought, since you spend the most time with him…”

 “Roman, I spend most of my time with you these days.”

 “I don’t count.”

 “You don- Did you hit your head?” Anxiety reached for the fluffy mass that was Roman’s hair, his fingers searching for any abnormal bumps. Roman didn’t put up a fight as Anxiety gently poked at his scalp, letting out a quiet breath instead and closing his eyes. “Don’t go falling asleep on me, Princey.” He carefully untangled his fingers from Roman’s hair.

 His eyes snapped open at that, a pout immediately gracing his lips. “I’m not going to fall asleep. You’re the one who always goes first.” That fond look was back on his face, and Anxiety’s heart skipped a beat, his chest feeling a little tighter, cheeks a little warmer. A small smile spread across Roman’s face as Anxiety began to play with his hair once more. “Hey, Anx?”

 “What is it, Roman?”

 “Have I ever shown you the gardens around my castle?” At Anxiety’s confused expression, he continued, “Because I’ve searched, and I haven’t found a single flower as lovely as you.”

 Anxiety couldn’t breathe, staring down at Roman, hand frozen in his hair. Roman stared back, his smile slipping ever so slightly. “I-I… what?” Anxiety’s voice shook, and he pulled away from Roman. “Don’t you… I thought…”

 Roman nodded, but reached for Anxiety, gently cupping his face in his hands. “It’s you.” He whispered, thumbs brushing over his cheeks. “I love you.”

 Roman’s voice shook, just slightly, matching his trembling fingers and paired with a piercing gaze that was so, so scared. More scared than Anxiety had even seen him before. And so, with relief pouring into every muscle, he pulled Roman closer, joining their lips together.

 When they finally parted, panting and pink, Anxiety swore that Roman’s grin couldn’t get any brighter.

 He proved himself wrong when he finally whispered, “I love you too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me at [ princeyandanxiety](http://princeyandanxiety.tumblr.com)!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at [ princeyandanxiety](http://princeyandanxiety.tumblr.com)!  
> Also thanks to [ andy-the-anon](http://andy-the-anon.tumblr.com) for checking this over for me. They're awesome and you should definitely follow them too!


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